I just found a product that was made for me. Well, me and a few others. Crocs.com was out of the blue and yellow ones in my size. But then I found the yellow and blue ones. Happy sigh. If only I had them to wear through the South. They’ll arrive while I’m gone, bless their rubber hearts.

As my faithful readers know (all two of you), I heart me some Crocs™. I have navy and black Caymans. Here are Caymans:

I also have the ur-Crocs. Butter Beach:

Can you not tell the difference? Beach are wider than Cayman. Learn something new every day don’t you?

It’s winter here in Southern California. While the weather is weak and mild compared to many parts of these here United States (not to mention our friendly neighbors to the north), it’s still cold. You shouldn’t wear shoes with holes cold, at least. So I asked for the Crocs without the holes for Christmas. They’re called Endeavors. I bought a pair in bright blue (and the wrong size like a total dork) on the way home from Las Vegas. I got a pair in khaki (in the right size) for Christmas.
For those of you not yet hip to the Croc phenomenon (and you know who you are), let me tell you that Crocs are comfortable right off the bat, but get better with age as the rubber shapes to your foot. I put on the Endeavors. I walked my parents’ dog in the Endeavors. I sat around the house in the Endeavors. I did this without socks for the most part. Crocs and socks are not a look I like.

Ok…here’s the tragedy…

Without the breathe holes…

Endeavor Crocs are not fun for feet. Little foot saunas. Actually, my size 11 shoes are big foot saunas.

I feel betrayed. Let down. Deep chasms of disappointment. I pictured myself teaching in Crocs next semester. I pictured year-round wear. I pictured wrong. Really wrong.

So, Croc converts and Croc resisters alike…go with Beach or Cayman. You’ll thank me later. Gifts aren’t necessary, but I do have my eye on Sage Beach. As soon as I sell the Endeavors on ebay…

Recently, Honey found a pair of shoes after which she lusted. I, too, found them appealing. In anticipation of our upcoming trip to cold climates, I ordered them for her birthday (for her) and just because (for me). We got them. We tried them on. We loved them. In fact, my Croc wearing has significantly decreased since they arrived. They are magnificent.

I got an e-mail from the retailer thanking me for my return of the shoes. The shoes I am wearing right now. Odd, I thought. I figured there was a mix-up. Then I got a credit for the shoes to my card. Both pair.

Thusly…a moral dilemma. Should I:

1) Tell the retailer?

2) Not tell the retailer?

Honey and I discussed. I should say that the retailer is large and charges what honey would call “full-pop retail” for the shoes. In fact, they charge $10 more than the website of the company that made the shoes. I use the retailer occasionally because they have a huge selection and don’t charge for shipping.

Meantime, I grew more fond of the shoes. So did Honey.

In finally decided I could live with the following scenario…

Don’t tell them, but order another two pair of shoes from them. Then, it’s like Honey and I got our very own two-for-one sale. Honey even picked out MORE expensive shoes for the second go-around.

If you feel moved to comment, tell me what you would have done.

Oh, and here are the shoes in question:

____
We got no trick-or-treaters last night. Honey thinks it’s because our neighbors think we’re witches. Or lesbians. Whatever.

The yellow crocs were lonely.

So I bought them some friends.

They had some small talk and decided to mingle.

And all was happy in croc land. Because navy had met butter. And they liked each other.

Here are the details:

Crocs Cayman Clogs
Size: Large (Sporks has big ol’ feet.)
Color: Butter

Beautiful, aren’t they? Can I get an amen?

Timeline:
Hour -1
Honey and future clog owner (FCO) enter Sports Chalet, where the promise to “take to the limit” didn’t really appeal. Why were they there? To buy Honey water shoes.

FCO notices the Crocs flip flops. FCO gasps. FCO tries the flip flops on. They do not suit FCO (between toe hurt is palpable). FCO then puts on a pair of brown clogs. FCO dances around a little. No laughing at FCO.

FCO checks out the colors. Decides on yellow. Becomes Clog owner (CO) and $30 poorer.

Hours 1-3
Clogs ride and sit (in bag) around in the hot car. CO is a little worried they’ll melt. CO and clogs are brave.

Hour 4
Clogs arrive home. After other purchases are put away, they accompany CO (in hand) to office. Dog tries to steal them. Dog is admonished. Picture of left clog taken.

Hour 5
Blog entry written. Clog picture uploaded.

Hour 6
Famous bloggers 1 and 2 make fun of clogs in comments of blog entry. One of famous blogging duo also makes fun of clogs in private e-mail. Suggests that clogs may protect from lightning strike. CO thinks this is an added benefit.

Hours 7-9
Clogs rest comfortably under desk. This is where they go for now.

Hour 10
Presidential Candidate makes fun of CO for liking clogs in blog comments. PC suggests that CO should be called Anke Ousterhoudt.

Hours 11-19
Clogs continue to rest under desk. They are unaware that they have been maligned. Bless their hearts.

Hour 20
Clogs are put on with all black outfit. Honey assesses and argues for less contrast between somberness of outfit and clog-itude. Shirt changed to one of loud variety. Honey reassesses. Approves (sort of). CO becomes Clog Wearer (CW).

Hour 21
Clogs are helpful in driving. They also get several looks in Starbucks. CW decides fellow Starbucks patrons are jealous. She resists telling them where similar can be procured. Clogs come to office and are also greeted by jealousy. Clog wearer theorizes jealousy is so thick in office that no one dare speak. CW sees furtive looks. CW and clogs discuss and decide that no one wants to kiss up to CW about clogs because it’s performance evaluation time. No one wants to be untoward. CW applauds her staff’s restraint.

Hours 22-23
CW and clogs do work. Clogs are very helpful to CW. There may have been some bouncing on feet in office. Reports vary.

Hour 24
Clogs are deemed to be worthy of blog entry of their own. CW writes said entry. Discovers in doing so that “yellow” clogs are actually a color called “butter.” CW likes them even more as a result. Decides to call them buttery rubbery clogs from now on. Also decides that clog days are good days. Still contemplating whether Anke Ousterhoudt would be a better appellation for self than sporksforall or actual name.

My friend slangred has finally started shoe blogging, an activity long overdue. I like shoes, though I don’t quite understand the current zeal for shoes that hurt your feet. Despite what I used to tell my friend in college (who needed such reassurances, being a straight woman and all), comfort should come before fashion and not the other way around. It seems to me that feet are nice and that hurting them is just a bad idea. They could do mean things to you later.

There are many things I like about working in academia, and many things I like about working in a non-prestigious part of it. There are also things, despite my East-Coast whining, that I like about living in Southern California. These conspire nicely when it comes to shoes. When I first moved to SoCal, I had taken (in my youthful zeal) a sandals-only stance. Year round sandals. No matter the weather. Ah, youth. I’ve wandered in my sandal loyalties from Birkenstocks to Doc Martens to Tevas to my current Teva-Keen mixed marriage.

I heart my Keens.

Anyway, I have now “grown up” and have some shoes where my toes aren’t shown. What I like about them mostly is that I can wear my snail socks.

But my relationship with my socks is too complicated to be collapsed into this one post. It’s a bit like how I could NOT talk about my relationship with my ass during my hand revelation last week.

Back to the shoes…earlier this week, I was discussing via e-mail with Scouster and the chief cowgirl in the Wannabe Corral where my shoes should go when I take them off. Scout suggested that everyone knew the answer to this question. By which I take it, she meant that any fool (me) should know that they go in the closet. With all the Republican gays.

There are a number of theories about why my shoes end up where they do, many of which might fall into the TMI category. Mostly, I take them off wherever I stop first. Bathroom, kitchen, under the desk, front hallway. I can’t ever find the pair I want. But it’s kind of like looking at a very easy Easter egg hunt for eggs (or like the Stones sang). You find the shoes you find. They may or may not be the shoes you need.

The good thing is that because I’m a lesbian (gasp, someone cover the children’s eyes!) academic, I have only comfortable shoes in mostly neutral colors. Whichever shoes I encounter will probably also match my comfortable clothing that has just the hint of a professional look to it. See how good my life is?

I was standing behind the Prez of this here Uni at commencement and noticed she had on sandals. I suggested to the nearest chair of an ethnic studies department (there are several, this one was closest) that we could wear sandals if the Prez could. The Prez turned around, looked me up and down and nodded very slowly. Sandals it is at Commencement 07. I’ll wear my “nice” Tevas. They look a little like I’m an extra on the set of Rome. The lack of a tunic gives me away, though.

Ok, so here’s the deal. Share out in comments (let’s see if this is more globally interesting to people than bad music):

What your shoe aesthetic is;

and

Where shoes “go” in your home.

As for me, today was a Teva day. My Keens from yesterday are in the front hall. I have tripped over them twice. Still, that’s where they go. At least for today.