This, ladies and gentlemen, is a new phenomenon about which I was trained today:

Apparently what happens is that one is given a little plastic card with the above logo on it. And one can use that little plastic card to buy…

Do you want to guess? I had to! Think. Ok, fine, I’ll tell you.

Goods

and

Services!

Well slap my ass and call me me Sporks. Goods and services. No shit.

You want to know what’s great about the little plastic card I learned about today? Well, I guess the aforementioned goods and services have to be paid for by somebody. You know what? The nice people in Accounts Payable pay them. Isn’t that fantastic?

There are rules, I guess. No firearms can be purchased without prior approval. Got it. And it seems that when you have one of these little dandy dealios, you can’t just loan it out to people to use. Check.

The motivator (and that really is the only word for him) who told us about the plastic miracle liked the track and field coach who was sitting behind me. Our motivator was, in fact, much more impressed with the man who taught others to throw things than he was with me. How do I know?

Well, Mr. Motivator shared his Myers-Briggs personality type. Why did he share it? Because we were trapped and had to listen to him. The problem was, he couldn’t think of the name of the test. Like the sullen student I was channeling, I mumbled it under my breath. He then wanted to know what each of his letters stood for. I told him. Dr. INTJ didn’t so much resonate with Mr. ESFP but she knew what the letters stood for. Still Mr Motivator/ESFP was more interested in the fact that Coach Thrower had taken Potential Freshwoman Thrower to Chili’s. To Chili’s! Can you imagine? And used this little plastic thingy. And Mr. Motivator could show us the Chili’s charge on the computer. And Coach Thrower had spent $40. And then Accounts Payable had paid Chili’s. Can you see how riveting this all is?

Mr. Motivator began the day by asking our objective for the session. People said chirpy things about how excited they were to learn about this new phenomenon. I should note, I guess, that we had plastic things before. They had logos that looked like this:

These new ones, boy, they sure are different. What with the goods and services and everything.

I ate a donut on the break. I didn’t want a donut. I ate one anyway. I asked a famous blogger via e-mail to call in a bomb threat. I asked Assistant Director (also via e-mail) to come over to the building and pull the fire alarm. Both FB and AD refused. Where’s the love? I ask you.

FB did try later. But by then, I was free. Still, she’s my new hero. AD just laughed at me.

Three hours. That’s how long it took to learn about this plastic miracle.

All of what was worth knowing, I have just condensed into this entry. You can thank me later. By using a plastic thing to buy me goods and services. Who knows? Maybe Accounts Payable will pay. Anyone want to meet at Chili’s?

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