We’re leaving tomorrow to go camping in Sequoia National Park. I like Sequoia. It’s closer than Yosemite and has much bigger trees. And much less traffic.
I really like the idea of camping in a tent. My natal family was not of the camping variety. My mother really prefers a four-star experience. She’ll do big chain hotels of the Marriott type, but not much “lower” than that.
I did get sent to summer camp as a child. First, I was sent to Presbyterian camp, which was a classic summer-camp kind of place with a little Sunday School thrown in. We hiked, canoed, and made lanyards. But we stayed in cabins, never tents.
I then transitioned to horse camp. Little Hope Ranch was an odd place, but I loved it (for the most part). There was no real “camping” at Little Hope. Girls rode horses twice a day. There was a pool (a mildewy pool) to swim in at night. Otherwise, it was all horses. Note to Rachel, if you’re reading: Sunshade kicked Little Lamb’s spotted butt. Little Hope is gone, replaced (from what I understand) by a VERY needed (not) new housing development.
Honey and I bought a cheap-ass tent at Pic n’ Sav some years ago and tried camping a couple of times with it. The first time we showed up after dark and had to set up the tent with no real light. The second time wasn’t much better.
Then I bought us a nice tent and an air mattress at REI. I also bought some hautemallows (those are high end marshmallows) and we tried it again. Other than the stale Whole Foods wheat hot dog buns, it went well.
Here are my camping rules for anyone over 35:
Get a big tent. (Two people in a four person tent will feel about right).
Get fresh buns, good beef or uncured chicken hot dogs, regular marshmallows, and good chocolate for s’mores.
Shop at the NPS concessionaires. They’re a nice mix of touro-crap and cute shirts to buy your honey. They’ll also have beer if you decide you need it–which you might.
Pick a cool National Park.
Listen to the nice ranger about the bears. If there are bears, use the bear box. Bears are bigger than you.
You will need to pee more often than usual overnight. Practice the “get up off the air mattress” maneuver until it’s smooth.
Turn the flashlight/lantern off before you get back in the tent from the bathroom trip. You don’t want those bugs in the tent. Trust me.
Eat breakfast at the hotel/lodge in your National Park. The civilized nature of served breakfast will make you feel better about not having showered.
Then go home. Take a shower and watch a good tv program. Tell the cats and dog all about your adventure. Post about what went wrong on your blog. Be sure to take some pictures. The big trees are better appreciated with visual aids.
Oh, and bring sporks. Everything tastes better next to a tent while being eaten with a spork.
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