Biscuit, the dog from hell, is a spaniel mix. So she has girly spaniel ears. Girly spaniel ears get dirty and grossy. So I have to clean them. My old dog Red didn’t mind at all having his ears cleaned or having his ears called girly. The former made him groan in pleasure, the latter he ignored. Biscuit does not feel the same way Red did.

Here’s how it goes. First, you find Biscuit:

Then you grab her ear:

Then she falls over and bites you:

Then you try to get your hand our her mouth. Don’t trust black tongued dogs!

Then she calms down for a second:

Thinking you have your moment, you try to clean her ears. She has fooled you and writhes with such ferocity that you can’t hold on to her./ Your arms are scratched, the camera is on the ground. All the while, the cats watched from a safe place…

So, you think I have to try again. So you find Biscuit…

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