I’ve always maintained that I’m a dog person. Cats never did much for me, but my family had this way of ruining them. I am said to have “killed” the best cat ever, Googe. My mother hired a woman to help care for me after I was born and she believed (as many folks do) that cats suck the life out of babies. This woman insisted that Googe be let outside and Googe was promptly hit and killed by a car. This, without irony, is presented as my fault in family lore.

We had a few cats that flicker through my memory: Blackie, a big tom who I think we just fed. Socks, who disappeared on Halloween. Then, my folks decided to get my brother a cat. My dad went driving around one Christmas Eve and found a cat at a south Atlanta pet store. Miss Pig (who was named Victoria initially), was tough. She’d disembowel things, could catch a butterfly in mid-air, and loved nothing better than wounding a chipmunk for an afternoon of torture.

When it came to people, she drooled and bit (hard on the chin). Now, I will admit that the family dogs weren’t much more appealing. My parents finally got it sort of right with Reddo, the sweet Welsh Springer Spaniel who I was lucky enough to have as my dog the last three years of his life.

Honey is a cat person. She laughs when she sees them. It’s very sweet. She came with a cat named Tuna, who didn’t like me. She has a soul-cat named Calif, who is sweet and needy. Calif is honey’s cat. I love her, but the bond is between them.

Honey and I got a cat that I loved with all my heart. Squeak was everything I wanted in a pet. Funny, cute, soft, easy to deal with. She died of cancer at age three.

I don’t know if Red’s death or Squeak’s affected me more. But, in both cases, I wanted a new presence right away. I picked out Halo and I picked out Biscuit. Halo is five pounds of calico hilarity, Biscuit is 35 pounds of soft puppy mess. They don’t like each other. I want Halo to use her claws when Biscuit corners her. I want Biscuit to stop cornering her. I can’t figure out how to make either thing happen.

Animals can provide such joy in life. I miss Halo. Biscuit is so focused on me that she is often within an arms’ length. I forgot (because Red was old) what it’s like to have a young dog around. I know what it’s like to have Halo around, but she doesn’t come to me as much as she used to.

I know I smell like Biscuit to her, but her absence leaves a small empty place in my center. I never thought a cat could do that to me.

Honey and I have a contest for our cats called “Loaf of the Day.” Cats like to lie with all of their paws tucked underneath them and usually the tail is tucked under as well. Halo is a very good loafist, she wins most days.

I hope she knows (in her little Calico head) that I love her and that I’m glad she wins loaf of the day, and that I’m glad I picked her out of the East Valley shelter. I mostly hope she doesn’t blame me for Biscuit.

I am to blame for Biscuit, of course, but I hope Halo doesn’t know it.

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